Monday, August 10, 2009

From the Snarkmaster Himself


This is one of my favorite posts at Dr. Dave's. Enjoy!!

WARNING: A few expletives in use!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm a Democrat: You Owe Me

Someone hit my site the other day using the colorful search terms "fuck every last republican.” Apparently he/she/it was a bit angry about something. Sitemeter indicated they didn’t stick around too long, either.

Was it something I said?

Curious, because I have a fondness for deconstructing moonbat rantings, I clicked back on he/she/its inbound link and found this little gem from the always cheerful Daily Kos partway down the search results.

It got me to thinking, as things of this nature will do, so I came up with this:

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I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren't democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

11 comments:

Teresa said...

That was a great post. If it helps Democrats to feel more Patriotic by paying more taxes, so be it. Conservatives will restore honor and a sense of ethics to our country.

Dominique Wynand said...

Just want to make sure I understand the rules: commenters have to be clean and respectful, even when replying to posts that are not, yes?

Bungalow Bill said...

Wow what a hateful person to search for such a term. One would think the party of tolerance would be above such search terms.

Bungalow Bill said...

Dominique style is similar to my troll's style. The comma yes is awfully familiar.

blackandgoldfan said...

Teresa: Amen girl!!

Dominique: That is a rule in general. I don't normally allow STRONG expletives. Occasionally, I will allow A FEW. This was just one of my favorite posts from another blogger. I will not tell him what he can do on his site. And I dictate what happens here. If I'm in the mood to allow it, I will. Most of time, I do not. Ask any of my fellow bloggers; I won't tolerate repeated expletives. If it's something that is said on TV, it usually is overlooked. But there are boundaries that I will not allow to be crossed.

If you find disrespect in the message behind the post, then maybe this site isn't for you.

blackandgoldfan said...

Clay: It's that time of the year. The weather is nice and they come out from under the bridges.

Dr. Dave said...

Damn...leave it to me to foul up such a clean wholesome place in the Burgh that is know for such famous expletives as: jagoff!

Sorry I haven't been around much. I really do have a side business plan to work on, and it's killing me, so much so that blogging is at a standstill, the humor vein being clogged.

BTW: Tentative date for taking my kid to St. Vincent's is next Wednesday, weather permitting, also dependent upon whether his re-found love for dinosaurs steers us toward that piece of crap exhibit they redid at the Carnegie. It used to be so much better; now it's all about pushing friggin' buttons, which is quite palatable for a kid with ADHD (I like to share the best parts of me).

I got yer email on speed dial if we're heading to St. Vincent's (which is highly likely).

Amusing Bunni said...

Hi B & G! This was a great post on Dave's site! I remembered I made a pithy comment, I"ll have to go back and look it up and put it here....I make so many....hee hee.
This does tend to bring the trolls out! You have the patience of a saint. When they attack me, I just delete them, and I don't give the what they want, which is a reply. Nameless trolls that just show up saying silly sH(t to stir things up should just find another place to defile.

Here's One "I'm a democrat...I go where I'm not wanted and spew nonsense and stamp my widdle feet if you don't respond to me".

conservative generation said...

He totally left out the yacht club. That's were I get all my orders from Dick Cheney. I don't know about the rest of you.

blackandgoldfan said...

Bunni: Good one, girl! I kinda enjoy feeding trolls to my readers! :-)

C-Gen: I get mine from Halliburton when I'm not channeling Reagan. lol

blackandgoldfan said...

Dr. Dave: Yinz ain't no jags! I get the ADHD thing. Goes w/ the autism of my two yard apes. They have the attention span of a gnat. Email me if yinz go!