Saturday, August 14, 2010
Today's youth. What can be said? For an entire generation, kids have been fed a myriad of lies that have helped to turn them into spoiled, coddled brats. While not all kids are such, I see far too many who are.
Public schools and mainstream media have ensured that the hope for a better future that we parents have in our children has been quelled in exchange for an agenda poised to ruin the very freedoms generations of Americans have loved, fought, and died for. I pray that one day the tide will turn many of today's young people enjoy some of the greatest pleasures of life that my generation did.
To the youth of today:
All of your young lives, you have been told many things. Some are true, some are not. I hope to enlighten you a bit. Trust that my intention is to give you food for thought so you may exercise your God-given right to think for yourselves. The freedom to think for oneself is perhaps the greatest of all rights bestowed upon us by our creator.
Reality Check #1 -- There is NO separation of church and state clause within the Constitution that says you cannot erect a cross on government property. The 'separation' clause seeks only to prevent the government from establishing an official religion for the country in the same manner as many islamic countries. Interpreting the clause to mean that all traces of religion are to be banned from public property only sets to establish atheism as the official government religion in clear violation of the Constitution.
Reality Check #2 -- No one in your life owes you ANYTHING. What you get out of this life will be determined by the amount of hard work you put into making your dreams come to fruition. If you sit back and wait for everything to be handed to you, you will have nothing but the invisible shackles of slavery binding you. When you are given all that you have, you become a puppet of those who say you deserve without having to work for it.
Reality Check #3 -- Corporal punishment is NOT child abuse. Children being beaten and tortured by their caregivers is an abomination under all circumstances, but a swat on the behind of a small child is a totally different thing. You've heard "Spare the rod, spoil the child"? It's true. And, no, it does NOT teach young children to be violent. I offer that being told it's okay to get what you want by using force is what teaches kids to be violent.
Reality Check #4 -- Capitalism is NOT evil. It is what has made this country prosperous since its founding. Do your parents work for what you have? You can thank capitalism for that. When government puts restrictions on capitalism, government becomes the arbiter of what the people deserve. And trust me: government does NOT know what is best for the free individual.
Reality Check #5 -- Evil does exist in this world. There are those who hate America and her people for the way we live. A beautiful, cloudless day in September of 2001 proved that, and no amount of trying to understand and appease those who believe this way will ever change their minds. Appeasement is weakness to them, and they will shake your hand while peeing in your shoes.
Reality Check #6 -- Being exposed to germs will benefit you in the long run. Sure, you may get slightly ill with a cold or flu on occasion, but your immune system will be all the stronger for it. Live in a sterile environment, and your body will not know how to fight off illness.
Reality Check #7 -- You do NOT have the right to NOT be offended. Just as you enjoy freedom of expression, so do those who have opposing views. Don't whine about how offended you are when someone disagrees with you.
Reality Check #8 -- Good self-esteem comes from hard work and success, not the other way around. The drive to succeed will build your self-esteem and make you feel good about your life. When you are taught that 'everyone wins' during your Little League years because there is no score being kept, you grow up thinking that the world will treat you fairly when you reach adulthood. It won't.
Reality Check #9 -- There is no such thing as failure. Falling short of your goal is merely another opportunity to regroup and try again to make your dreams come true.
Reality Check #10 -- Raw cookie dough will not kill you if you eat it. Many generations of people have fought for what is left in the bowl after all the batter has been used. Guess what? We're alive and well. And it's one of the truly decadent pleasures of childhood.
To the youth of today, I pray that some of what I've said causes you to stop and think about everything you get told in school and by the mainstream media. Please stop feeling entitled to everything and learn to be a free individual. It's the most precious thing you will ever learn.
B & G
Thursday, August 12, 2010
There has been a lot of uproar lately over a proposed mosque to be built near the sacred ground forever known as Ground Zero. You know, the same place where over 3,000 innocent people were burned, crushed, and jumped to a certain death after 19 jihadists decided to declare war on Western civilization. While most sensible people see this as an insult to what those who died on September 11, 2001, there are those of you in the 'Kumbaya' crowd who seem hell bent on making sure that the mosque is built in the name of 'tolerance'.
Do you not realize exactly what this would do to the memory of those who died? Or do you not care? Yes, our Constitution does allow freedom of religion (not freedom FROM religion). No one is saying that a mosque cannot be built anywhere else. But why build it at Ground Zero to serve as a sort of memorial to those who took so many lives because of the way we Americans live? It is the same twisted logic that has islamic symbolism being built into the Flight 93 memorial here in Pennsylvania.
You speak of tolerance and acceptance. Americans have always been accepting and tolerant of those who come to this country to become citizens and enjoy the freedoms granted to us by God. Those who perpetrated the horrific acts on 9/11 were not tolerant or accepting of the principles this country was founded on. Why is it that people who have a problem with the location of this particular mosque are labeled as intolerant? Just as you say you have the right to erect this mosque at Ground Zero, we who disagree with the idea are just as free to voice our opinions against it. The Constitution does not include the right to not be offended by an opposing view.
Here's a suggestion and maybe some food for thought while you're sipping your lattes or bowing five times a day: How about opening up the cities of Mecca and Medina to us 'infidels' (as we non-muslims are called)? From my understanding, only muslims are allowed within these cities, so why not show us how tolerant and truly peace-loving muslims are by doing this? After all, the left is constantly saying just how peaceful and tolerant islam is, so why not put your money (dollars and riyals) where your mouth is? Open up the damned cities to everyone.
Should those of you who support the idea of this mosque win out and the mosque is built on sacred ground, rest assured that it will be just another log thrown on the fire that was ignited in the hearts of those who love this country on 9/11/2001. And we will NEVER forget all the affronts made to desecrate the memory of the innocents since...including this one.
May God continue to bless this great nation and all who love the freedom it affords.
B & G
Friday, August 6, 2010
I can't believe I almost forgot about this. But since it's not too late.....
I'd like to take this opportunity to offer a sincere 'congratulations' to Dick LeBeau for being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Tomorrow's ceremony will be attended by the entire Steeler roster (They're breaking camp for the occasion.) and will be yet another black and gold mark in the HOF. Though LeBeau is being inducted as a player for his career with the Detroit Lions, he has served as the defensive coordinator for the Steelers since 2004.
From a born-and-raised Steeler fan: Way to go, Dick! The Stiller Nation luvz ya!
P.S. I do wish the other inductees well, but this makes my B & G heart swell with pride!
For a little fun on a Friday, I've decided to list some of the questions I've received from customers. While the questions will leave you scratching your head, they were asked in all seriousness by these people. Happy weekend, folks!
- Out on the floor working and wearing my name badge, MANY people ask "Do you work here?" I'd love to say, "No. I'm just an extra special customer, so they decided to give me one of these name tags."
- "If this belly ring (nose stud, etc.) doesn't look right, can I bring it back for a refund?"
- "I know this Wal Mart is open 24 hours, but what time does it close?"
- Standing at the jewelry counter (which is located directly across from shoes), a customer asked where they could find shoelaces.
- A woman asked to see a ring from the display case and asked what size it was. I replied, "All of our display rings in this case are size 7." Her question? "What about the one next to it?"
- "How much does your free ear piercing cost?"
- A customer asked if a certain piece of jewelry was white gold or stainless steel. I informed them that it was stainless steel. When asked how I knew, I pointed to the words "stainless steel" in the box.
- Minors are required to have a parent give permission for ear piercing. No exceptions. A young man wanted his done and was informed that he needed a parent. Grandma spoke up and said that she had guardianship of him. A co-worker of mine said that we needed proof of that to do the piercing. Grandma gets out her driver's license.
- Lastly, but certainly not least, is my favorite: "Bet you get some pretty dumb questions from people, don't ya?"
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
My brain works in crazy ways. While trying to think of a post worthy of posting, I asked myself one question: What if the liberals had written the Bill of Rights within the Constitution? Bingo! My dilemma was solved.
Amendment I -- Congress shall make no law respecting religion, or encouraging the free exercise thereof; or advocating the freedom of speech (unless you agree with us) , or of the press (We'll handle the press.); or infringe on the right of the people peaceably to assemble (unless you're pro-life).
Amendment II -- A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not exist.
Amendment III -- No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but eminent domain will be used to change ownership to the government.
Amendment IV -- The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not exist.
Amendment V -- No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation to be determined by the government.
Amendment VI -- In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense. This is only applies to those of us who agree with our agenda. All others will be pursued by the government to the fullest extent.
Amendment VII -- In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. Unless, of course, we feel you're guilty. Then it's your duty to prove your innocence.
Amendment VIII -- Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Said punishment shall be determined by those in government. We know better than you what just punishment is.
Amendment IX -- The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people, dependent upon whether the individual believes in the power of the government to do the right thing.
Amendment X -- The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution shall be allotted to to the proper authorities. Federal government shall be the last arbiter and interpreter of those rights.
Thank you, Founding Fathers, for a Constitution based on a moral, ethical, and God-given principles. Yinz did great!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
As a lot of you know, I've been on hiatus for a while (much too long) dealing with some personal things going on in my life. My friends and family have been a blessing as has the new man in my life. All have been supportive and caring, and all will have my undying gratitude and love.
Since beginning my new life, I got a job with the nation's largest retailer. The atmosphere there is great, and things are looking up. Starting in apparel, I've moved on to the jewelry department where I got a small raise. A small wonder in the short two months I've been there. Working there has also opened my eyes to some of the things that continue to astound me by those who choose to live off the public dole instead of being free individuals who pave their own way in life.
One of the first things I learned is that most clothing does have limits. When cards are replenished, this is one of the first noticeable things one sees. I really wish I didn't have to see it, but..... For those who may think I'm exaggerating, go to peopleofwalmart.com for proof. Asking that material to hold back more blubber than an Eskimo fishing expedition is like trying to dam the Colorado River with Lincoln Logs.
This next lesson may make some of you queasy, so please take a few moments to grab some Pepto Bismol. Trust me. Ready? Here goes.
Those who carry an EBT card full of YOUR money are able to buy jewelry with it as long as the cash balance allows. This includes certified diamonds, gemstones, and high-end watches. I guess buying silly items such as soap, laundry detergent, or toothpaste escapes some people. Mama needs a new nose stud. And the arrogance with which it is presented is disgusting. It's almost as if the nose of the hard workers of this country is being rubbed in the fact that the only skill these people have is scamming us out of more of our money.
How many of you know that those who use food stamps don't pay taxes on food that you and I do? That's the way it works here in Pennsylvania. While you and I are paying a few extra cents on pop (soda for the rest of yinz) and other taxable food items, they don't. While it may seem petty to gripe about something like that, take the number of cases sold times 36 cents here in PA and do the math. Working people pay $3.60 more on ten cases than those who appear to have no desire to work. Multiply that by the number of cases sold nationwide at different tax rates, and you've got yourself a huge number. Better stop now or I'm going to wind up with a migraine.
So how does one keep their sanity when the welfare floodgates open approximately twice a month? I'll give you a few pointers to hopefully make it a more pleasant experience.
- Avoid going there at the beginning and midway through the month. That's when cards are replenished and the entitlement mentality flourishes. If you must go then, be prepared to see things nightmares are made of.
- If you can do so, shop very early in the day. Most of the entitlement crowd likes to stay up playing XBox until the wee hours of the morning and sleep until at least noon. This also avoids having to hear them screech at their out-of-control minions. How do I know this? You'd be surprised at the number of them going into the store with their kids in tow when I'm leaving at 11 p.m.
- Those of you who have elderly or disabled people with you when you go might want to follow the second bit of advice also. The availability of motorized shopping carts plummets when the welfare crowd descends upon the store.
- Thinking of having a cookout on the patio grilling some Delmonico or New York strip steaks? Again, go early. These items are big with those who have a card full of food stamps as are crab legs and pricey seafood.
- Avoid the electronics and toy departments unless absolutely necessary. Should you feel the need to get away from these bloodsuckers, go to the cleaning or personal care departments. A lot of them don't spend much time there.
- What makes you think that you are entitled to the fruits of my hard work and that of millions of other Americans? If your answer is "Because I got pregnant and have no education", you lose. You should NOT be rewarded for irresponsible behavior and poor decision-making. You want the freedom to make your own choices, be free enough to accept the consequences of those decisions.
- Why should I have to pay for your cell phone? Here in PA, welfare will provide a cell phone. That's a travesty. If your answer is "Because I deserve to have one just like everyone else", you lose. You deserve it if you earn it. All other circumstances constitute theft of the American worker with big government as your shakedown man.
- Why are so many of those who have food stamps and choose to use them on a permanent basis so obese? If your answer is "They don't have money for food", you lose once again. Food stamps should not be feeding a steady diet of Ho Ho's and junk food. And it's about time yinz start doing what the rest of us do: get the most for your dollar. Instead of buying the high-end food and lots of convenience foods, get more for less. Just because government gave you a certain amount of my money, be frugal and don't waste it. I don't have a choice in the matter, and neither should you.
- When one decides to live off of welfare, why does personal hygiene seem to be the first thing to go? While I understand that circumstances in a person's life may be that they don't have a lot of money (Believe me; I'm living it.), there is NO reason to be filthy dirty. Have some self-respect and some consideration for those around you. Instead of spending $30 on snow crab legs, use it to go to the laundromat. Take the $20-$25 you spend on fancy steaks and buy soap and shampoo. It really doesn't cost that much. You may have to be poor, but you don't have to be dirty. Oh....and please at least wash your children's faces and hands before going out in public. They will learn what you teach them.
- Why is it that the generational welfare crowd sees no problem with multiplying like rabbits? If you need welfare for one child, doesn't that give you any hint that it's not going to get better when you have 3, 4, 5, or 8? Refer to #1 for more ranting.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Despite facing 13 counts of ethics violations from the House of Representatives, it appears that Charlie Rangel is set to receive beaucoup bucks from a fundraiser slated for August 11. According to The Hill via foxnews.com, prominent New York Democrats are planning a party to celebrate Charlie "I didn't know I had to claim that income" Rangel's 80th birthday with proceeds from the event ($200-$2500 per ticket) to go to the Rangel Victory Fund. The fund presumably helps finance re-election costs to insure that Charlie's seat is cemented in the "D" column.
A few of the names being floated in organizing the event at The Plaza Hotel in Manhattan (of course) are Senator Charles "Jag Off" Schumer (right; only time he'll be there), Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand, and Governor David Paterson. You know, the usual suspects that scream from the highest mountain when the other side of the aisle farts the wrong way but have no problem rewarding unethical and, arguably, illegal behavior. Kind of like the whole Trent Lott incident where they screamed for Lott to step down for what they called racist remarks yet would laud a Ku Klux Klan member (Senator Robert Byrd, for those who may be new to the political arena.). I guess it all boils down to what letter you sport after your name.
There are those decent members of the House who have called for Rangel to resign or step down should the charges against Charlie have merit. Eleven House Dems have not jumped on the All-Hail-Rangel bandwagon. Among them is New York Rep. Michael Arcuri. It could be political theater ahead of what could be an election bloodbath looming in November, but I'd like to believe that someone within that party has a sense of decency and ethics. We shall see.
Rumored to be on the guest list for the "birthday bash" are New York gubernatorial candidate Andrew Cuomo and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, a liberal Dem and a liberal in RINO clothing respectively. Let's face it. Cuomo and Bloomberg are cut out of the same political cloth and both would proudly throw their undying support behind the liberal agenda. I could see Bloomberg playing the role of ringleader in the circus set to begin in the fall should Charlie not reach a settlement with the House Ethics Committee. "Move along, folks. Nothing to see here."
And let's not forget the Congressional Black Caucus, who has urged the House to withhold judgment on Rangel. Do they mean the way they withheld judgment against the previously-mentioned Trent Lott? I guess uber-liberal members of the caucus, such as Sheila Jackson Lee and Maxine Waters, want America to look at the color of Rangel's skin first before passing judgment. White, black, yellow, red, green, purple, polka dot, or neon pink, the misuse of one's office and tax evasion are wrong and should be punished according to the law. The thought of the caucus losing a member must have all of them breathing into paper bags to keep from hyperventilating. I'm curious to see the caucus's reaction should Rangel be found in violation of not only the ethics rules of the House but the law itself. Will the caucus agree with the committee's findings or will they scream racism? Hmmmm......
Charlie Rangel has been accused of offenses that would have the average American on a straight path to the nearest federal penitentiary. Rewarding his alleged crimes by having a fundraiser under the guise of a birthday celebration is appalling at best. Until the members of government realize that they have no special privilege under the law, we can expect to see the pattern continue.
Hey Charlie! I got your birthday wishes right here!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
The southern border states with Mexico are especially hard-hit. People stream across our southern border every day and stream back across the border at day's end. I wish they'd make up their minds: Become a U.S. citizen and enjoy the fruits of the hard work of this country or remain a Mexican citizen. If you choose the first, we welcome you with open arms. Should you choose the latter, please stay home. Why are we allowing this to happen?
Many illegal immigrants are taking advantage of the American taxpayers. Pregnant women are wading through the Rio Grande to have their babies in American hospitals so the babies are U.S. citizens. Guess who pays for that? Look at your pay stub. Then, since they are illegal but their children are not, they get welfare. Do I hear a Kumbaya from the choir?
This country's educational system is also being drained of resources. In years past, and someone please correct me if I'm wrong, I've heard stories of buses within the San Diego school system driving across the border to pick up children in Mexico to bring them back to San Diego to go to school. Who pays for that? Look at your pay stub. Think of how much money the school systems in this country could save if they didn't have to pay for students whose parents do not contribute to the system.
While I believe we should not turn away those people who want to be productive members of this melting pot we call The Greatest Nation on Earth, we do need to address the problem of illegal immigration, and we need to show tough love.
First, I suggest not one but TWO fences about 20 yards apart. In between those fences, let's use military surplus land mines. It sounds cruel, but it worked in Berlin for many years, didn't it? And those who come here to get freebies would have something to think about before hopping the fence.
When they start to tunnel, deploy troops to patrol the double fence. If troops are unavailable, deputize the Minutemen.
Second, we need to stop the treatment of illegal immigrants in our hospitals. If you don't have a valid form of identification when you arrive at the ER, so sorry. Most people, no matter how dire the emergency is, usually carry some form of ID. If you're in a car accident, that's usually how they find out who you are. And repeal the "Born Here; U.S. Citizen" rule. Women have had healthy babies in countries much poorer than Mexico. We can't afford to do this anymore.
Third, the schools need to push for more stringent criteria in verifying citizenship of those whose children are to enter our school system. You want your child to have an education in the U.S. schools? Get in line and become a citizen.
Lastly, NO GOVERNMENT PAPERWORK IN LANGUAGES OTHER THAN ENGLISH!!! You want to access taxpayer money? Become a citizen and learn to speak our language (or what SHOULD be our official language).
While it may seem like I'm targeting only illegal Mexican immigrants, I'm not. There are illegal immigrants from all over the world in this country. They need to go back to their countries of origin until they decide that they want to be a citizen of this country. That includes Obama's great aunt who is living in subsidized housing in Boston. Yep...you read that right. No wonder Dear Leader is so unwilling to tackle this problem. Or maybe it's because he knows he'd be deported and we would no longer be paying for his lavish spending.
This country was built up by the sweat, blood, and hard work of those who dared to leave everything behind and start anew in an uncertain land with no expectation of a handout. Unfortunately, those ideals are being lost by those who wish to take and not give.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Ah, yes. The glow of a suntan to add a little color to one's body. It's what many believe can add a healthy appearance to many when done in moderation. But not if you live in Tehran. Iranian women are being warned to stay out of the sun or face jail for violating the islamic dress code.
According to the NY Daily News, Iranian officials are threatening to arrest women (and men) who sport proof of their time in the sun citing that it violates the very dear islamic dress code that those cavemen love so much.
Tehran's police chief, Brig Hossien Sajedinia, made the following statement:
"The public expects us to act firmly and swiftly if we see any social misbehavior by women, and men, who defy our Islamic values," he said, the Telegraph reported. "In some areas of north Tehran we can see many suntanned women and young girls who look like walking mannequins."
"We are not going to tolerate this situation and will first warn those found in this manner and then arrest and imprison them."
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
We've heard the stories. Muslim women (usually of Middle Eastern descent) being killed for disgracing their family "honor". The reasons for these "honor killings" have ranged from befriending boys (the nerve!) to being too westernized, and the number of women around the globe falling victim to this neanderthal mentality continues to increase.
In order to avoid the possible death penalty for not remaining a virgin until marriage, the BBC is reporting that many women are keeping their sex lives a secret and opting for a procedure known as 'hymenoplasty', a procedure where the hymen is reconnected to restore virginity and ensure blood being spilled on the marital sheets. The cost of the procedure is approximately 2,000 Euros and is done by Dr. Marc Abecassis, an Arab doctor practicing in Paris.
Dr. Abecassis has performed the procedure in some cases because a woman needs a certificate of virginity to marry. His average patient for the procedure is approximately 25 years old and from any social background. He adds:
"She can be in danger because sometimes it's a matter of traditions and family," says Dr Abecassis. "I believe we as doctors have no right to decide for her or judge her."
Thank Heaven that there are Arab men out there who have recognized the rights of women in that culture to live their lives without judgment. He's most likely in the minority. Noor, a young professional from Damascus, has another opinion.
"I know girls who went through this restoration and they were caught out on their wedding night by their husbands," he says. "They realised they weren't virgins. Even if society accepts such a thing, I would still refuse to marry her."
Those women are better off because of your opinion, pal. You're doing them a favor by choosing not to marry them, you troglodyte.
What is it going to take for the world to acknowledge a whole underclass of women who live in fear of their lives because of a mentality that pre-dates the dinosaurs? How many more women have to attempt or commit suicide because they feel that it's their only way out of being tortured to death in the name of "honor"? And how many more women have to live with the fear that they may be found out?
Until the world starts to speak out for these women who defy custom and Sharia Law, look for the numbers to increase.
Please pray for these women.
Monday, April 26, 2010
After a long and trying journey, I'm here to say that a new chapter is beginning in my life. I'm still unsure about what the future holds for me, but I'm not afraid to take charge anymore. Having both made mistakes in this marriage, my husband and I have decided to call it quits.
I'm continuing to learn from all of this. I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I've given myself credit for at times and that life is too precious to sit by and watch the world without being a part of it. Adversity may come up and bite us in the behind from time to time, but how we handle that adversity speaks to our character.
When we first met, we truly thought that we had found our soulmates. We had our bumps in the road, but they were speed bumps and not potholes. We worked together to face and resolve problems. I don't know where we lost that, but we did. Maybe the place in the road where we lost that was too far back to try and find it again. I don't know.
As many of you have read, we hit extremely rough times of late. Between work, home, and life in general, the will to fight for our marriage diminished. Compound mistakes on both sides, and the odds of finding what we once had were microscopic. The only thing that hasn't diminished is our love for our kids. THEY are the reason we've decided to focus everything on them and their well-being. They've got all the support from both of us that they'll ever need.
In a few weeks, I'll be moving to my own place close by. I'm purchasing a home for me and the kids, and their lives will only be disrupted a bit. They'll attend the same schools and have the opportunity to visit with dad every evening if they so choose. Friends from school will be their neighbors, and the opportunity for them to gain social skills is there. Once again, God has blessed me.
Things may have not worked out for me and the husband, but I hope he finds happiness. I wish him no ill will regardless of the past mistakes we've made. The kids think the world of him, and I'll not tarnish that image. Truthfully, we've been more civil since coming to this decision than we have in a long time. We've vowed to move forward with our lives, and I have much hope and anticipation to see where this new road leads.
To anyone out there who may be in the same position as I was when this journey started: There is hope (and not the stupid BHO kind) for happiness and peace. Stay strong, stay focused, and ALWAYS be true to yourself. You're much too special to settle for anything less. You deserve all the happiness the world has to offer. Don't think that you don't. And always keep the faith. It moves mountains and blazes new paths for us to follow.
I just hope the world is ready for a B & G fan with a taste for life.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
After a hiatus that has lasted entirely TOO long, I'm back to wreak havoc on the blogosphere. I don't want my brain to melt right away, so I'm coming back with something that is of much interest here in da 'burgh. That's right, the Ben Roethlisberger situation.
The 28-year-old quarterback, who has two Super Bowl rings, dodged a bullet earlier when it was announced that a second allegation of inappropriate sexual behavior would not be prosecuted. The first occurred when a hostess at Harrah's in Las Vegas accused Big Ben of sexual assault. Now, word has it that the Rooney family isn't about to let Ben have a third crack at facing legal trouble.
While I gave Ben the benefit of the doubt during the first accusation of sexual misconduct, he's not getting off (pardon the pun) so easily with this diehard Steeler fan. A disturbing pattern seems to be emerging, and the Rooney family is right to distance themselves from having the reputation of being the owners of a team riddled with criminals. It's about maintaining a certain level of standards. After all, it's their family name and reputation on the line. And we here in da 'burgh know that The Chief (left) would not stand for this crap.
Ben, at first, seemed to be the all-American squeaky-clean kid next door when he first arrived in the only city that can boast SIX Vince Lombardi trophies. Very quickly after a meteor ride to stardom, the young man from a small Ohio college grabbed headlines after foolishly riding and crashing his motorcycle while not wearing a helmet. Granted that it was his choice as Pennsylvania repealed the mandatory helmet law, but he could've used a little common sense knowing that he was getting paid obscene amounts of money to be in top form. The "I'm Ben Roethlisberger" mentality was born.
During his first battle with the law concerning the hostess at Harrah's, I was willing to say that this could have been a 'He said/She said' incident with no one really knowing the truth. The dust settled, and the Steeler nation was relieved.
Then came the second and most recent allegations involving a woman in a bar restroom claiming that Ben sexually assaulted her (doesn't THAT scream romance!). While prosecutors have decided not to pursue criminal action, the Steeler nation is starting to jump off of the "Ben's the Best" bandwagon.
We are sick and tired of the arrogant entitlement mentality of those who think the world exists only for their desires, and the Rooney family knows that we Steeler fans spend A LOT of money on merchandise. Being business savvy, what do you think they're going to do? If you said "Keep Ben", you don't know the Rooney family.
The latest news tonight is that Ben could potentially be traded after signing a multi-million dollar contract just a few years ago. Fueling the speculation is the fact that Byron Leftwich was brought back to Pittsburgh from Tampa. Why would the team need a fourth quarterback?? Hmmmm??? It does make for interesting debate.
It's going to be extremely interesting to see what the next move is going to be in this chess game. The stakes are high, but the Rooney family never tolerated arrogance and flashiness (except for Frenchy Fuqua) within their organization. They have tried to maintain a level of comfort for each and every fan so that anyone could imagine themselves going into the local beer joint and buying a round for the players. Ben's seemingly repetitive behavior will not tarnish that reputation for the Rooney family.
Maybe Ben is a long lost son of Ted Kennedy. He sure acts like it.
*Special message for all of you: Thanks to everyone who has offered prayers and words of encouragement during a very difficult time in my life. The journey isn't over, but I'm moving full steam ahead with life. And for yinz to still lend a kind word or an ear to listen, that makes me extremely blessed. I hope to one day return the kindness. (((hugs)))
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Except for the beer and women, this song seems appropriate. Happy Hump Day, everyone!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
To celebrate my pending weekend vacation, I'm posting one of my favorite characters from Mad TV, Lorraine. Enjoy, folks!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
We went to (of all places) Cleveland to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Cleveland Museum of Natural History. While we weren't expecting the bone-cutting wind coming off of Lake Erie, we were excited.
The Hall of Fame was wonderful. I talked to the kids I was in charge of about different displays we saw and how music was forever changed by those who graced the halls. Not wanting to dampen their spirits, I was tactful in my argument against ABBA being in the HOF before Rush and many other bands. Kids today....
We ate lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe on the waterfront, about a mile away from the HOF. We chaperons relived our favorite musical tastes (usually the 80's) at a table while the kids sat eating and texting the person in the next chair. The day went well.
The Cleveland Museum of Natural History was a necessity for the school district to allow the day as a field trip. Trust me. It's not the kind of museum like we have here in da 'burgh. Snoozefest best describes that part of the day.
The bus ride home was long and tiring. The kids on our bus were well-behaved despite the fact that they were buzzing along on soda and energy drinks. Getting back, Noah and I talked about our favorite parts of the day. We enjoyed rehashing memories of the trip. It's a day that will stay fresh in my mind for a long time.
I posted pics of our trip on my Facebook page. To view them, go to:
Thanks for the great day, Noah. I love you, pal.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The counselor seems like a nice man. In his early 60's, he told us that he is a former Green Beret who served two tours in Vietnam and felt a calling to use his psychology degree to help people. The group he is affiliated with is a faith-based group of counselors. A little faith never hurt, so I was okay with that.
We opened the session with prayer. It wasn't a bad idea because I knew things could very ugly in the following hour. And they did.
During the course of the session, the counselor asked a myriad of questions about the marriage. Most of the questions were for both of us to answer aloud individually. I still tried to maintain a positive attitude.
The pivotal moment came when the hubby tried to downplay the extent of his actions over the years. In a calm demeanor, I turned to him and said, "You are an abuser." The silence that followed was deafening. It felt fantastic for me to say that directly to the husband. My strength grew a bit more.
The counselor proceeded to lay some of the blame for all of this at my feet. I told him that I was tired of being made to feel guilty about all the problems at home, and he then told me that the husband can't make me feel guilty because I'm the one in charge of my emotions. If I feel guilty and horrible because of a verbal barrage, he said that it was of my own doing. While I've made mistakes and atoned for them, I don't believe that blaming someone crying out for help is the way to go.
It was also said that it is not 'God's will' that a marriage fail. My question should've been "Is it God's will that a person just take years of abuse?" But, I held back.
I'm definitely not comfortable with this counselor. While faith has gotten him through some very dark times, I don't think it should be the blanket answer to the problems here. We need very realistic and very practical advice if this is going to work. Does that mean that faith gets shoved out of the picture? No. But I've done a LOT of praying over the years that things would get better. They would, then the cycle would begin again.
I'm starting a new attitude in my life. It's about me and my kids. Period. I'll continue to go to the sessions and give it an honest try, but my focus is shifting to the reality that this marriage MAY not survive. I don't know.
I've begun to take time for myself while the kids are in school. I'm going to a day spa today for a wax before my upcoming beach weekend. I'm going alone to just sit and be. I'll leave my carbon footprint by just converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. That's the hardest thing I want to do. I've spent so many years trying to take care of everyone and everything else that I got lost somewhere along the line. I have to find myself and not feel guilty for taking care of that broken spirit. My kids deserve a happy mom, and with the strength of God and friends, I'll give them just that.
No matter what, I think I see peace at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Last night at the bar, a customer asked if we could put C-SPAN on as the Obamarxcare vote was set to start soon. The fact that we are a sports bar would usually discourage such requests, but we complied with the customer's wishes.
A myriad of people from all socio-economic groups of the American landscape watched intensely as the vote began. I stopped my work doing the weekly beer and liquor inventory to join my fellow Americans in watching freedom slip away.
As the votes started coming in, the chatter started. The majority of people sharing a moment in history were pulling for freedom to once again prevail. Of course, you had your few jagoffs applauding as liberty took its last breath, and there were also the "Who-gives-a-f***" people. A few more drinks, and things would've gotten ugly. I wasn't in the mood to break up a fight; I was in mourning.
The final tally appeared, and those who danced on the grave of freedom quickly finished their drinks and left. The rhetoric as they left was laced with the sarcastic rantings about finally defeating the policies of those mean Republicans. Yes, the entitlement crowd likes to stop at the bar for a few.
I went back to doing my inventory with a heavy heart and little concentration. I had just witnessed the symbolic burning of my beloved Constitution. I questioned whether the Founding Fathers were crying. They were. And their sacrifices and hard work were all for naught last night. I was ashamed of what this country has become.
I pray that a Constitutional challenge is filed posthumously on behalf of the victim here: freedom. It's going to be a long, hard challenge to resurrect freedom once again, but, just like the mythical Phoenix, liberty will rise from the ashes once again. For the sake of future generations, it has to.
One thing you can count on, though. Those who are celebrating today will make sure they're standing there with a fire hose to extinguish the rise of the Phoenix.
It's time to make our stand, folks.
Friday, March 19, 2010
For some reason, I've become emboldened in my quest for happiness of late. I don't know whether it's been the support of all yinz or the grace of God, but I've actually had the wherewithal to just be honest about my feelings and my take on the situation. Until last night, the hubby's reaction was one of disbelief mixed with a sense of frustration over not being able to make it right in an instant. I kindly explained that it didn't come to this overnight, so it wasn't going to get fixed overnight. He seemed to understand when I said I need to deal with some things in my own time and space. Then, last night happened.
We went to get a bite to eat before stopping by Wal-Mart to get a few items. It was just him, me, and Cheyenne. During the course of the meal, he started prodding me to talk about things. I didn't feel that it was appropriate to have Cheyenne witness all of the potential ugliness, but he kept pushing and pushing and pushing..... It ended up as a screaming match in the dining room and Cheyenne hysterically screaming "Daddy, you let Mommy alone!" Very ugly.
This morning, he didn't go to work because he said he felt sick. I can understand that. Been there in my first marriage and reliving it in my second. He once again starts digging for answers. Not getting anywhere, I decided to go to the mall and clear my head for a while. I didn't hide where I was going and said I'd return in a short while. Upon arriving home, he up and leaves for wherever saying things along the line of he can't believe I don't want to work things out. On the contrary, we're to attend our first counseling session on Monday. If I didn't care, I would've just left with the kids.
When he got home, we decided to take the kids to the local McD's for dinner and some time out. In the middle of eating, he starts again. I left there in tears. Stopping at the bar, I put my notice in. I know it's caving into him, but at this point it's standing on principle or my sanity. My kids need a sane mom.
He calls before I got home (we had taken two cars) and says that he's spending the weekend at his parents' house. He can't deal with being in the same house and feeling like he can't get near me or talk to me, so he's gone for the weekend.
I think the larger problem is that lately I haven't reacted to his pressure the way I normally did. I'm stronger now. Before, I would've done anything just to keep the peace and not rock the boat. Now, I feel like I'm in the last lap at Daytona. I'm hellbent on getting the issues resolved one way or the other, whether that means we fix our relationship or part ways. Either way, I know there is peace ahead.
Thanks to everyone who has been here to give me your loving thoughts and prayers. YOU are part of the reason I'm getting through this. It touches me deeply. I now know that there are people out there who care and that I'm someone worthy of that kind of love. Yinz are my angels.
I'll let you know how Monday pans out. Until then, I'll be thanking God for all of you.
All my love,
B & G
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Maybe I'm the only one who sees a problem with this, but I think it's worth covering from the perspective of personal liberty.
According to foxnews.com, the Senate is busy crafting an immigration plan that would require all workers in the U.S. to carry an ID card with embedded information (including fingerprints). Anyone else see the potential for governmental abuse should this come to fruition? And people thought the Patriot Act was horrific.
The bill is being sponsored by Chucky Schumer (D-NY) and RINO extraordinaire Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and faces a tough battle in the Senate. In an interview, Schmucky Schumer made the following statement:
"It's the nub of solving the immigration dilemma politically speaking," Schumer said in an interview. The card, he said, would directly answer concerns that after legislation is signed, another wave of illegal immigrants would arrive. "If you say they can't get a job when they come here, you'll stop it."
That's right. Hand over your personal information to the government wonks, and the illegal immigration problem will vanish into thin air. What a moron!
"It is fundamentally a massive invasion of people's privacy," said Chris Calabrese, legislative counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union. "We're not only talking about fingerprinting every American, treating ordinary Americans like criminals in order to work. We're also talking about a card that would quickly spread from work to voting to travel to pretty much every aspect of American life that requires identification."
Now, there are issues that I couldn't disagree more with the ACLU, but this ain't one of them. They see the potential for abuse just as plain as day. If this goes through, folks, we are nothing more than avatars in the government version of the Sims. They'll control our lives in ways never dreamed of by the Founding Fathers. And all in the name of curbing illegal immigration.
I've got a boffo idea. How about militarizing our borders??? Or putting a double fence along the border with surplus land mines in between? It worked in Berlin for many years! THAT'S what we should be doing. Instead, Schumer and Graham feel the need to curb our personal liberties once again to seem compassionate to those who violate our laws.
Dear reader, this is another attempt to inject government even further into our everyday lives. I urge all of you to stay informed on this matter and let your representatives in Congress know that you will NOT stand for this erosion of liberty. The freedom you enjoy today could be gone tomorrow if Schumer and Graham have their way.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Here it comes. After days of being sucked up to, the escalation period of the cycle has begun. I dread what I know is coming.
Over the past week or so, I've gone into shutdown mode. Emotionally and physically distancing myself, I've retreated within the confines of my own being. I guess it's some sort of defense mechanism on my part.
The escalation started last night. While chatting with a friend on Facebook (a female friend), the snide comments started.
"I guess I'm the only lonely one around here."
"Guess I'm going to have to get on the computer to talk."
Comments like these are made to do one thing: get me to feel guilty because HIS wants and needs aren't being met. From there, guilt is used to keep me in isolation from the world.
Back when I worked for a large fast-food chain, I had a very close friend whose husband was dying of brain cancer. Being his only caregiver, she suggested that her and I go to Amish country for the weekend to get away and decompress. It sounded wonderful. She needed a break, and I was hungry for a different perspective on the world. The drudgery would've been broken, and she would be able to talk openly about her situation. But it wasn't meant to be.
"Sure, you'll spend time with her, but not me. We never spend any time together, and you want to spend some free time with someone else. What about me? I'm your husband. You should want to spend time with me first." Needless to say, I didn't go.
After so many times of making excuses for not being able to go, friends quit asking. The isolation grows.
Friends haven't been the only ones who I've had to make excuses to. My family has quit asking me to do things because they don't want to piss off the husband and make my life miserable. I have done things in the past with my family, but when I have, my cell rings at least 10 times while I'm gone with the same question: When am I coming home? With each phone call, the tone is a little more harsh. When I'd get home, the verbal assault would begin. And the cycle would start all over again.
I have a knot in my stomach as I type this because I know what's coming. It's like watching a train wreck, and you can't do anything to stop it. Hope seems rare on days like today.
I just pray to God that He gives me the strength to weather the storm looming on the horizon.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Last week, I started to document my journey to a better life for me and my kids. For those who may not have read, I've finally had enough of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse after living it for 20 years. I deserve better than that, and, at the age of 43, I don't want to spend my remaining years unhappy.
The honeymoon phase of the cycle has continued. Sickeningly sweet for the better part of the time, I think the hubby has realized that something is amiss but can't quite pinpoint it. He made it a point to make sure I knew that he was taking the kids to church on Sunday. No offers of or attempts made at helping around the house, but it's almost like I'm being sent the message of "Hey! I know something's wrong, but I'm instantly going to be a great person!" Yeah, maybe for now.
The temptation to just chalk all of this up to me having a bad few days and forgetting it is strong. I have to resist the urge to just carry on as before. If I don't, it's only a matter of time before I'm right back to square one, and I just can't do it. I have to focus.
Last night, I got a glimpse into why my backside has lip marks all over it.
I need to preface this next part with an important point. The hubby has been given anything he wants all his life. Sure, he's worked hard for a lot of things, but he's always made sure that what HE wants is paramount. He gets an idea planted in his head, and it turns into an obsession until he gets what he wants. There is no logic behind it. He's a junkie who needs to satisfy a craving.
He asked me last night what I thought of a piece of property that sits immediately off the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Primo property, it has been the site of three failed restaurants. I don't know why, but it has.
The reason he asked was revealed next. He thinks it would be a great place to put a franchise restaurant and offer travelers more of a choice when stopping for food. The idea is great, but the implementation is what bothers me. Done the right way, the potential is there to do very well.
Looking into the initial cost, we discovered that it's going to take a total of $1.3 to $2.3 million just to get the doors open. That price includes real estate. My stomach turned.
"WE have to gamble big!!" he said.
"Yes, but when you gamble big, you can lose big. I don't want to lose everything." was my reply.
His solution to the potential loss of everything we've worked for (especially the house)? Move in with his parents. Oh joy. There's something that'll push me over the edge.
While I understand that you don't get anywhere without risk, I just can't back this idea. It falls under the "Does your abuser accumulate debt for you to handle?" category. It makes me sick.
I bought tickets for Wednesday's Powerball jackpot. Pray that "my Limbaugh baby" wins!!! He wouldn't have to worry about anyone else getting half.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Imagine this scenario: You are a beautiful, young woman from Britain. Wanting to do your part to better humanity, you take a teaching position at an international school in a muslim country. Your ex-boyfriend, for whatever reason, uploads provocative pictures to your Facebook account and tells a colleague of yours about them. The colleague then accuses you of prostitution in a country where Sharia Law is common. What do you do?
This is exactly what happened to 24-year-old Emma Jones (photo), a teacher in Abu Dhabi. Her former boyfriend, Jamie Brayley, allegedly stole some images of Emma from her computer and uploaded them to her Facebook page. Knowing that she could face potential jail time or death under Sharia Law, Ms. Jones drank a corrosive liquid in a possible suicide. I say "possible" because she apparently was found with her passport in her jeans and clothes ready to be packed as if to return to Britain.
From The Telegraph:
Deputy assistant coroner Thomas Atherton said he did not believe Mr Brayley was to blame for Miss Jones’s death.
Mr Atherton said he could not be sure Miss Jones, a sociology graduate, meant to kill herself and recorded an open verdict.
He said she may have accidentally drunk cleaning fluid from an unlabelled container, mistakenly believing it was water.
He said: "For whatever reason Emma expressed concern she was about to be arrested and put in prison.
"She agreed the best course of action was to leave Abu Dhabi and return to Britain. Her clothes were out and her passport was in her pocket.
“That's not someone who is contemplating suicide."So here we have a young woman who just wanted to teach killing herself (allegedly; Vince Foster, call your office) because her ex-boyfriend decided to seek revenge in a country where women are possessions and have less rights than animals. And what better way to do it than to use the barbarism that is Sharia Law against her. The man is a scumbag of epic proportions.
We constantly hear about how islam is such a peaceful religion and that women really have nothing to fear under Sharia Law. Oh really? Then maybe those who support Sharia Law could explain why so many women are killed in so-called "honor killings" because they dared to live like a respectable human being with God-given rights. In Ms. Jones's case, however, she chose to take her own life in a horrific manner rather than face the torture that she believed was to be her punishment for nothing she did. Truly a sad story to tell.
While Emma Jones is only one story of fear of Sharia Law, the question remains: How many Emmas are there whose stories we don't hear? How many women commit suicide rather than face judgment by a group of Stone Age men with higher regard for their reputation than human life? I'd bet the numbers would amaze a rational person.
Friday, February 26, 2010
I asked him why, if he cares so much, does he say the things he says sometimes? His answer is one of a typical abuser: "It's the way my dad reacted to things growing up." No excuse. He's a 44-year-old man capable of making his own decisions in this life and deciding to seek out help if he knows that what he's doing is wrong. He actually told me that maybe I need counseling. That was the most rational thing he's said in a long time. The attempt at making me question my sanity has emboldened me to seek out a therapist. Backfire, anyone?
"Why do I feel like all I am is added stress to you?" was the next question I asked. He told me that I really wasn't, but he's got a lot of other things going on with work. Anyone want to venture a guess as to how much I believed that load of bullsh**?
From there, the conversation went the way of a classic abuser. He proceeded to point out my flaws and the things I do to aggravate him. Like I'm not capable of recognizing my own shortcomings. It took every ounce of me to not internalize this and follow the pattern. He was fishing for a "Yeah but you..." argument, and I wasn't giving it to him.
I actually got some sleep last night. I had to rely on my Xanax to do so, but it was so refreshing to wake up feeling somewhat more stable. I'm still not eating much, but hopefully that will improve in time. Amazing what stress can do to the human body.
The sun is shining a little brighter today (what I can see through the white out), and I pray that it continues to grow a little brighter every day from this point on. I don't like the darkness.
All my love and prayers to yinz,
B & G
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I awoke this morning with a new mission in life: to reclaim my life and find the happiness that my kids and I deserve. I don't know how, and I don't know when, but I WILL get there with the help of God.
After getting Cheyenne on the bus, I came in the house and made a decision to call a domestic abuse hotline. I was terrified. What if I'm blowing all of this out of proportion? What if I'm found out? Am I admitting that I've been in a second failed marriage? What will people think?
The woman I talked to listened to me cry (uncontrollably a lot of the time), tell my story, and release years of hurt. She asked me questions about the whole situation and what led up to this. Not once did I feel judged or made to feel like I did anything wrong. I didn't know that there were people out there able to listen without judgment. It was refreshing.
During the course of my phone call, I was assured that I'm worthy of love without pain. I honestly don't know if I've ever experienced such a concept. We talked, I cried. Suggestions were given, and I need to examine how to execute them.
Now, as I type this, I'm going through the self-doubt phase and wondering if I made the right decision. I'm terrified of the confrontation that I know is eventually going to come. I'm just not ready to deal with it yet. Hopefully, with time and the grace of God, I'll one day be strong enough to face it. Today, however, is not that day.
I thank everyone who has given their thoughts and prayers since last night. It's more love and support I've had in over 20 years. The sad part is that it hasn't come from someone who professes to love me soooo much. How someone can claim to love another so much yet inflict so much pain is a concept that boggles my mind.
I'll keep yinz informed as I travel down this uncertain road. I'm just thankful to God for giving me such wonderful traveling companions.
B & G
Today marks a new beginning for me. After years of denial about my situation, I've faced it. Now begins a new chapter in my life. How that chapter will be written is unknown and terrifying, but it's a chapter that needs to be written.
For years, I've been leading a double life. There was the life that everyone saw. Smiling, joking, and seemingly carefree, it was a facade. What no one has seen is the very dark life behind the smile. A life filled with insults, self-doubt, and fear. The pain is excruciating.
For far too long, I've ridden the emotional roller coaster not knowing how to get off of it. Now, I just have to pray that God can give me the strength and guidance to do what's best for me and my kids. I already see some behavior patterns emerging in them that I don't like. Kids mimic what they see.
When I met my husband almost 20 years ago, I never dreamed that it would come to this point. I had hopes of an idyllic life and was willing to work hard to achieve it. Now, I'm completely spent and feel numb inside. Time has taken its toll and eroded any willingness to keep fighting for respect and love.
I think back on some of the incidents that have brought me to this point. They've intensified in recent years and have finally reached the point of boiling over. I can honestly say that I should've been more aware back then, but I fell into the whole "I'm sorry" honeymoon period and trusted that he meant it. He did. Until the next time.
There were many times where I felt the only way to stop the pain was to end my life. One time, I was actually in my bedroom sitting on my bed feeling worthless and hurt after a verbal beating. Holding my .38, I prayed to God to help me. He did. My kids walked into my room to tell me the joke they were both cackling about. I thank God for that. The thought of leaving them with an abuser sickens me.
I'm not sure where this path in life is going to lead to, but I'm leaving it in God's hands. He knows best.
I thank all of my blogger friends and readers for their love and support during this trial by fire. I've been extremely blessed to have met you, and I appreciate each and every one of you. May God bless and keep you all. I'll be in touch.
B & G
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Abuse in any form is uncalled for. Abusers come in all colors, ages, and economic backgrounds. Their constant need for control over any given situation is who they are and what they do. Most of the time, the behavior stems from a need to control. Emotional and verbal abuse weapons are silence, belittling, and blame.
The cycle of abuse is the same as one who beats another. Escalation, abuse, and then a honeymoon period of "I'm sorry. I had a bad day (or just have a lot of stress, etc.)." The duration of the honeymoon phase varies, but make no mistake about it. An abuser will ALWAYS come back to repeat the cycle.
No one is perfect. The victim of an abuser has flaws just by nature of being human. But no matter the flaws, that is NO EXCUSE to be put down, emotionally torn apart, or made to feel guilty. Often, an abuser will pinpoint these flaws and use them as weapons. Self-esteem suffers, and the victim is often left feeling helpless and worthless.
So what are the signs of emotional/verbal abuse? If you think you or someone you know is in an emotionally abusive relationship, here are some questions to ask.
Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?--Are you walking on eggshells for fear of triggering a tirade?
Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?--Words like "stupid","disgusting", and "What's your problem?" are red flags.
Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?--Are you made to feel like your opinion makes no sense or isn't right?
Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?--This is how the abuser maintains control. The amount of isolation varies, but it's still isolation.
Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?--"We need to watch spending" while spending money like a sailor on shore leave.
Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?
Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close? -- Again, the roller coaster of the abusive cycle.
Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?--"Don't you love me anymore?" "You must be having an affair." These are common. A lot of abusers will use these phrases to manipulate the victim into submission.
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?--This is especially true for victims with children. They need the most support and help.
Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?--Your old childhood teddy bear may mean a lot to you, but the abuser sees it as trivial and worthless and won't hesitate to throw it out if they see fit.
Are you afraid of your partner?--Do you fear another argument? Do they threaten you with "what if" situations of what they'd do if you ever left? Abuse.
I hope and pray that if one victim of abuse is saved by this, that they find the happiness they truly deserve. No one deserves to be left with emotional scars that can last a lifetime.
I'm B & G, and I'm a victim of emotional and verbal abuse. There. I've said it. Now I can figure out how to heal.
The bar has become a big issue of late. Working approximately 36 hours in a weekend, I've been lacking sleep during that time. Last weekend, I got a weekend total of 10 hours of sleep. At this point in time, I really don't believe I've gotten caught up yet, and I'm staring at another weekend.
The long bar hours have led to NOTHING getting done around the house. Heaven forbid that anyone else who lives here do anything to lend a hand. I got up Sunday morning to having to do two loads of laundry and taking care of the balancing game on top of the garbage can in the kitchen before I left for work. I'm not asking for all housework to be done while I'm working, but a little help would be nice.
Lack of help around the house leads to arguments between me and the hubby. Things got really ugly the other night with a lot of things being said that didn't help the situation.
To recap: long hours, lack of help with housework, and fighting between me and the hubby.
All this has led to me constantly feeling like I'm going to upchuck, stomach pain, headaches, and the inability to eat much at all. I've lost almost 15 pounds in a week (that puts me at about 135), and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
What I need from my readers are suggestions on how to deal with all this stress. I'm not doing well with it on my own, and objective opinions would be welcomed. My family says not to worry about it, but that's easier said than done. I know it's bad when my health starts to suffer.
Thanks in advance to everyone. I'll be interested to see what yinz can suggest to help me out.