Hey all. It's everyone's favorite former senator from Massachusetts. Thought I'd stop by and give my opinion on this Tuesday's upcoming race for MY seat. Yes, MY seat. Or at least the Democrats' seat. After all, we bought and paid for it.
Scott Brown better be thankful that I'm not among the living right now. Rest assured that if I was, I'd be offering to drive him around the state on the campaign trail. The Kopechne family will tell you what kind of driver I am!
And what is going on with Martha Coakley (who I would love to make the next sandwich)? Has she lost her marbles? I can't believe that she didn't do the honorable thing and kick that reporter her aide pushed down! She's disgracing the Democrats' reputation of hypocrisy, and I'm none too happy about it. There's only one thing women are good for, and I tried like hell to get as much of it as I could in my stint on Earth.
If Brown wins on Tuesday, it'll be a disgrace to everything I worked so hard for in the Bay State. What are people thinking up there? Don't they know that the most important issue is doing what I want despite the fact that I'm not there? Damn, it makes me mad!!!!
Well, it's time for me to go. I've been assigned the top job down here when the boss is away visiting his son in the White House. It's tough torturing souls for eternity, but hey...I did a damn fine job in Massachusetts.