Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A New Message from Beyond

Hi, you racist, gun-toting, Bible-clinging righties. It's the King of Pork here. Still waiting on my ride to my place in eternity. All I was told was to pack a lot of light clothing.

I've heard about the snow making a mess of my airport. Those two flights a week are going to have one hell of a time getting in and out. I just hope that the priorities are straight. You know, my airport gets cleared before anything. Screw everyone else.

Pennsylvania (or should I say my buddies) is going to lose out big time now that I'm not there to secure funding for purely petty crap projects. I must say that no one was better at garnering pork than I was. Not even that crotchety old S.O.B. Byrd. I had a LOT more stuff named after me than he'll ever dream of!

Would someone please tell the Dems in Congress to make sure that they carry on my tradition of disrespecting our soldiers engaged in battle overseas? I wouldn't want to give the impression that G.W. was right. All those Iraqis with purple fingers after voting don't know what the hell they want. I knew what was best for them.

I don't know exactly what is going to happen to MY seat in the interim. I was hoping to stick around long enough to have ACORN get me enough votes to beat Burns or Russell, but some quack had to go and nick my bowel during gallbladder surgery. Bastard HAD to be a Republican!

Well, now that I've ranted enough, I'm gonna continue to wait for my ride. Ted Kennedy sent me a text saying he can't wait to see me. Maybe we can get pork money for a furnace to be named after us.

John P. "Pork" Murtha


Fredd said...

Yeah, that guy was a piece 'o work. When I heard the news of his passing, I was not exactly unhappy and I will leave it at that.

blackandgoldfan said...

Fredd: I waited for an hour (out of respect) after hearing of his passing before going "WOO HOO!!!" I wasn't raised to say such things, but he REALLY wasn't a nice person.

Ran said...

Denise... Who is likely to replace the dearly departed?

Fredd said...

Yeah, but I just couldn't help myself, it was bigger than me. I did a war hoop on the spot. This guy was a festering sore on our nation's butt.

Ditto with that murdering coward, Teddy Kennedy, a pox on his house.

blackandgoldfan said...

Ran: I'm not sure. I assume that Ed Rendell can make an appointment, but I could be wrong. I haven't heard any names floated yet. They may be waiting for the partying to die down.

In any case, it looks like we'll have another one in the "R" in November. Tim Burns and Bill Russell are vying for the R nomination. Both great guys, but I give the nod to Burns for a few reasons.

Tim Burns is young, a business owner, and works with a program that teaches special needs kids to ice skate. It was the last one that sealed it for me.

Amusing Bunni said...

I hope he gets a nice hot furnace and he and teddy will be pork rinds! I went Woo hoo right away when I read he kicked the bucket. He was a jerk and we are well rid of him. Too bad it wasn't sooner, before he could do so much damage to America.

PS: You'll love my latest vid dissing dear leader!

WomanHonorThyself said...

heh keep it up hun!..still snowed in here!

The Right Guy said...

You should have at lest put some smoke in there or fire to make it realistic. I don't think Murtha is in purgatory roaming the earth bemoaning his leaving...

Amusing Bunni said...

I hope the snow has not worn you out, Denise.

I have a special valentine treat to make you smile.
I know Cheynne will love the video's too! Adorable kitteh alert. Happy Valentines Day, BOF.