Hi, you racist, gun-toting, Bible-clinging righties. It's the King of Pork here. Still waiting on my ride to my place in eternity. All I was told was to pack a lot of light clothing.
I've heard about the snow making a mess of my airport. Those two flights a week are going to have one hell of a time getting in and out. I just hope that the priorities are straight. You know, my airport gets cleared before anything. Screw everyone else.
Pennsylvania (or should I say my buddies) is going to lose out big time now that I'm not there to secure funding for purely petty crap projects. I must say that no one was better at garnering pork than I was. Not even that crotchety old S.O.B. Byrd. I had a LOT more stuff named after me than he'll ever dream of!
Would someone please tell the Dems in Congress to make sure that they carry on my tradition of disrespecting our soldiers engaged in battle overseas? I wouldn't want to give the impression that G.W. was right. All those Iraqis with purple fingers after voting don't know what the hell they want. I knew what was best for them.
I don't know exactly what is going to happen to MY seat in the interim. I was hoping to stick around long enough to have ACORN get me enough votes to beat Burns or Russell, but some quack had to go and nick my bowel during gallbladder surgery. Bastard HAD to be a Republican!
Well, now that I've ranted enough, I'm gonna continue to wait for my ride. Ted Kennedy sent me a text saying he can't wait to see me. Maybe we can get pork money for a furnace to be named after us.