Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Liberal Bill of Rights

My brain works in crazy ways. While trying to think of a post worthy of posting, I asked myself one question: What if the liberals had written the Bill of Rights within the Constitution? Bingo! My dilemma was solved.

The Liberal Bill of Rights

Amendment I -- Congress shall make no law respecting religion, or encouraging the free exercise thereof; or advocating the freedom of speech (unless you agree with us) , or of the press (We'll handle the press.); or infringe on the right of the people peaceably to assemble (unless you're pro-life).

Amendment II --
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not exist.

Amendment III --
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but eminent domain will be used to change ownership to the government.

Amendment IV --
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not exist.

Amendment V --
No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation to be determined by the government.

Amendment VI --
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense. This is only applies to those of us who agree with our agenda. All others will be pursued by the government to the fullest extent.

Amendment VII --
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. Unless, of course, we feel you're guilty. Then it's your duty to prove your innocence.

Amendment VIII --
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Said punishment shall be determined by those in government. We know better than you what just punishment is.

Amendment IX --
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people, dependent upon whether the individual believes in the power of the government to do the right thing.

Amendment X -- T
he powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution shall be allotted to to the proper authorities. Federal government shall be the last arbiter and interpreter of those rights.

Thank you, Founding Fathers, for a Constitution based on a moral, ethical, and God-given principles. Yinz did great!


Fredd said...

After thought: it would have been nice to see a few excerpts from Das Kapital, the Communist Manifesto, or perhaps Mein Kampf.

You know, to add a little realism to the piece.

blackandgoldfan said...

Well noted, Fredd. And any of those works would've been appropriate. I'll keep that in mind the next time. Thanks!!!