Happy Robotic Groundhog Day?

At approximately 7 a.m. Eastern this morning, everyone's favorite furry weatherman will give his prediction for the rest of winter. After the winter we've had here, I'm hoping the news from Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney is optimistic.

Enter PETA, the animal rights group that thinks it's okay to throw paint on fur coats bought and paid for by someone else.

PETA thinks that it's time for Punxy Phil to hang up his Doppler radar and retire early, suggesting that the most famous groundhog be replaced with an animatronic imposter.

From the official PETA blog:

"...retiring Phil to a sanctuary and replacing him with an electronic groundhog. Phil is forced to be on display year round at the local library and is denied the ability to prepare for and enter yearly hibernation.... Add to that the displeasure of large, screaming crowds, flashing lights of cameras, and human handling."

That's right. PETA thinks that Phil's residence in the Punxsutawney Public Library for 364 3/4 days out of the year is cruel. They'd rather put him in a hole in the ground somewhere with no natural survival skills left. Pretty humane, you dorks!

Granted, Phil's natural instincts have probably been lost to the constant interaction with humans and the man-made habitat, but the people of Punxsutawney did Phil a favor by moving him to the library. He's loved, he doesn't have to worry about being eaten by bobcats, and he definitely won't be roadkill. I'd say that's more humane and shows more consideration for Phil's well-being than what PETA would like done with Phil.

HEY PETA!!! Why not go after other rodents in holes and cry out against gerbilling? After all, the poor little creatures suffer a terrible fate for the pleasure of a human. Why so silent? Forgot...lefties -- in this case the animal rights and gay rights groups -- don't go after each other.

Punxy Phil may not be in his natural habitat, but he's warm, cozy, fed, and loved. LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!

UPDATE -- The furry little critter saw his shadow. Six more weeks of global warming, folks!!!

Mike Adams: The Guy's Got Snark!!!

Dr. Mike Adams, a criminology professor at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, wrote this brilliant piece yesterday for TownHall. I only wish this guy was my professor when I was in college. He totally rocks!!!

Felines, Nothing More Than Felines
by Dr. Mike Adams

Editors' Note: the following column contains graphic language.

Dear People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (http://www.peta.org/):

This Friday, I will turn 45 years old. I’m planning to celebrate my birthday by arranging a small demonstration in front of Randall Library on the campus of The University of North Carolina at Wilmington. I realize this is short notice but I need a favor. Since we’re old friends I figured you could do this for me as an early birthday gift.

I’m looking for three cats that have been discarded by their owners because they were either unable to afford them or because they were just generally inconvenienced by them. It is my preference that you provide me with two white cats and one black cat. If you cannot accommodate me I would ask that you also provide me with spray paint – the kind your members spray on women wearing mink coats. For example, if you can only provide three white cats I will want to spay paint one of them black. I’ll explain that later.

I intend to take the three cats over to Randall Library at about ten in the morning. The Women’s Resource Center is located in Randall. I will call their staff beforehand and ask them to meet me out front. I don’t want my demonstration to disturb anyone who might be studying.

I can supply all of the other materials needed for the demonstration: a Black & Decker drill, an industrial vacuum cleaner, two clipboards, two pencils, and some paper. I might also need a water hose and three plastic garbage bags.

By now you may have guessed that it is my intention to perform - on all three cats - a procedure similar to “partial birth abortion.” I will use my Black & Decker drill to make a hole in the head of each cat, which will be large enough to accommodate the hose of an industrial vacuum cleaner. I will then use the vacuum to remove the brain matter from all three cats. Just as in “partial birth abortion” no anesthesia will be used on the object of the procedure.

I understand that you may object to this demonstration as being illegal. But that objection does not have merit coming from you. You routinely destroy private property in order to make political points. Of course, these cats are no longer anyone’s private property. They have been discarded because they are too inconvenient or because they would be too much of a financial burden on their previous owners.

Nor will the Women’s Resource Center be able to object on the basis of the illegality of my conduct. In March, they displayed pictures of nude children in Randall Library. People raised legal objections to the public display of pictures showing the breasts and pubic hair of these children. The feminist rebuttal was a simple First Amendment claim. Now, I’m claiming a right under the constitution to terminate life by removing brain matter.

Finally, there will be objections that the blood of these cats will create some sort of health hazard. I’ve got that one covered, too. I debated a Ph.D student from UCLA on Fox News once in relation to a similar issue. His Professor of Theater was HIV positive and cut himself on stage so that his infected blood spilled out in front of the audience. He also relied on the First Amendment to defend his dramatic (literally) demonstration. We don’t have to worry about HIV positive cats. Once again, I am claiming a constitutional right to terminate life by removing brain matter.

After this little demonstration is over I will use the two clipboards, two pencils, and paper to create two sign up sheets. One will be used to sign students up for the student PETA chapter at UNC-Wilmington. The other will be used to sign students up for the student pro-life chapter at UNC-Wilmington. It will be very interesting to see which organization gains the most members in response to the demonstration.

The Black Student Union might even want to recruit students at this event. After all, the one black cat is a symbol of the fact that 1/3 of those aborted in America are black. This is despite the fact that blacks are only 1/8 of the total population.

Finally, I will use the water hose and three plastic garbage bags to clean up any mess I might have made. I hope there will be no lasting trauma following my demonstration. After all, they are only cats. It’s isn’t like they’re human beings.

An American Tale 2009

As I was looking through my usual list of sites to find a subject that hasn't been beat to death, I stumbled across this wonderfully humorous (although frighteningly true) article on americanthinker.com. It's going to make my Monday a little easier to deal with!

The Feetus and the Fly - A Fable

Andrew Thomas
Once there was a kingdom populated by a proud and productive populace. But over time they grew restless and bored with their increasingly pampered lives. They began to feel guilty over their wealth, good fortune, and healthcare on demand. "We want change!" they cried. They crowned a new ruler, King Barama, a champion and secular savior of their venal desires.

Barama proved to be a powerful ruler who smote his enemies with an iron Chicagoland fist, but he lacked the moral fiber of the previous fumbling but well-meaning king. He was a very callous and hard-hearted fellow, demanding that the species of tiny creatures known as the Feetii be put to death on demand, no matter how much they looked or acted like humans. "They have no souls", was the specious rationale of the king and his followers.

The king then decreed that healthcare was too expensive, and had to be spread sparingly among the populace, including those who swam the moat and climbed over the castle walls. He declared that the selfish, greedy complaining pigs in the kingdom that pay all of the golden tribute to the king would pay more for less benefit. The old and infirm were told to move to a giant iceberg, which floated slowly out to sea. This pleased and amused three of the king's evil creatures, the giant AARP, the winged SEIU, and the rotten ACORN. They fed the remaining ancient ones into a wood chipper while the king danced and chortled with joy. He rewarded his obedient demons with gold from the royal coffers, funneled through a small house on Elysian Fields to avoid detection.

One day the king addressed his loyal followers. Suddenly, a small, insignificant housefly began to distract him as he spoke, and he instantly crushed it as he crushed all who opposed him. (Of course it was the annoying FOXNEWS fly that he truly dreamt of crushing.) To the king's stunned amazement, his crowd of loyal followers grew angry. "How dare you kill that innocent fly!", cried Ms. PETA. "It feels pain, you know!"

Then a voice was heard from the back of the throng. "What about us?" shouted a tiny, forlorn Feetus. "We feel pain when you crush our skulls with your deadly forceps! Your excuse has always been that we don't have souls, but the other creatures in the kingdom that you cherish and protect don't have souls, either!"

After a long silence, one of the king's loyal followers stepped forward. "There is no such thing as a soul", he simply said. Suddenly it all became clear to the incredulous Feetus. In the king's loyal followers' eyes, a Feetus was the moral equivalent of, nay, the moral inferior of a common housefly. After all, the Feetii would devour the king's resources and lay giant carbon footprints all over the kingdom if they were allowed to live. And it now made sense why the king would allow the giant AARP, the winged SEIU, and the rotten ACORN to feast on the remains of the aged, after their slow, agonizing deaths at the hands of a kingdom-run healthcare system. Since souls do not exist, all life is morally relative and can be degraded by sovereign decree.

Without warning, the Jabberwocky-like fire-breathing ABCNBCCBSMSNBC appeared. Carnal thrills ran up its legs, and it mated with the king. In the creature's heat of passion, a splendiferous magic spell was released. All of the Feetii were miraculously transformed into cute little puppies and kittens. From that moment on, none of the king's followers would dare to suggest that they be put to death, and everyone lived in peace and harmony ever after. King Barama and the ABCNBCCBSMSNBC got a room.

Flygate: PETA Reacts

We were all waiting to see what the reaction was going to be from PETA about Dear Leader swatting a fly. Well, here it is. Foxnews.com has a piece on it.

PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside. Don't you just love "humane traps"? It's like kicking your kids outside in the summer to get something done. They always come back in though, eh?

"We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. "We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

You mean like the compassion the left shows for the unborn? Or the compassion they show for those of us who disagree with them? Another group of hypocrites.

As I've stated before, I do NOT advocate cruelty to animals. People who partake in it for jollies are scum. But PETA doesn't want to acknowledge one fact: God gave man dominion over the animals (Book of Genesis). Noah took two of every animal on the ark EXCEPT those that were to be used for food; then he took seven. The Jews didn't use sacrificial tofu for Passover.

We are to use them for what we can, including FOOD. That doesn't mean that we are to do so in a cruel manner. A quick dispatch is compassionate.

I guess I'll have to change tonight's menu. I've got a sudden craving for steak.